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There was an Arnold Schwarzenegger movie entitled, “The Eraser.” His job was to go in and erase
all evidence of a person’s existence. He was to prepare a woman to enter a Witness Protection
Program so he got rid of everything that showed her existence – her records like driver’s license,
birth certificate, etc. Once erased, it was as if she never existed.
Sometimes, since I got married, I feel like I’ve been erased. I had no problem taking hubby’s last
name. I know some women feel like they lose themselves by taking their husband’s last name. My
theory on that is I never had my own last name anyway. I mean, the name I did have was my
father’s name so what difference does it make? I was proud to take my hubby’s.
Of course, by taking hubby’s last name, it erased the credit history I had accumulated under my
maiden name. Just try to get credit under your married name when there is no credit history
associated with that name! It was near impossible back then.
I purchased my own home the year before I met my knight in shining armor. I think it was when we
refinanced the house (and paid off my home loan) that I began to get inkling that I had been
erased. When the paperwork came in, everything was in my husband’s name. I no longer owned a
home. We could have argued and had everything changed on the paperwork but I opted not to. I
probably should have but I didn’t. It just felt very strange that I didn’t even exist for this mortgage
company.
Then I signed up for a daily newsletter from a ministry both my husband and I support. I used MY
email address to sign up but the daily devotionals always start, “Dear Leland.” Some letters from
companies we both deal with may come addressed to Mr. and Mrs., but the salutation always
starts, “Dear Leland.” Good thing I have a sense of humor.
The other day I signed up with a weight loss program. I am allowed to ask a daily question through
a comment section on the website and the weight loss guru responds back with a short video. So I
asked my first question and eagerly awaited an answer. When I clicked on the video “play” button
the first thing I heard was, “Hi Leland, you had a great question.” I immediately emailed that guy
and said, “HOW is this possible? It was MY email address, MY name and MY credit card – so HOW
did MY husband’s name get in here?” Augh!!!
But the worst? I saw I had a message on my answering machine the other day. It was from a
company I purchased beauty products from a few years back – about 5 years. The lady on the
telephone said, “HI Leland. This is blah-blah from Beauty blah-blah Company. I just wanted to let
you know that the products you purchased (and she named the products) are now on sale. Call
me!!” Boy, I’d like to call her all right… she just wouldn’t like it if I did.
I’m not sure why this erasing has occurred. I’m not a bad person. I have nothing to hide and
haven’t seen any crimes lately that would involve the need to erase me so the criminals couldn’t find
me before I could testify against them. So why am I being erased???
It is a good thing that I have a healthy does of good self-esteem. And I know my hubby laughs
WITH me every time I share an incident with him of my erasing. I know we don’t have a life
insurance policy wherein he gets millions of dollars if I am erased permanently – so what gives with
this thing about erasing me? I’m NOT going down without a fight, do you hear me??
Hello??? Is there anyone out there? Am I invisible – non-existent - erased??
Joy is knowing who you are and that yes, you do exist!!
Copyright © 2009 Nan C Loyd
All rights reserved. Used by permission.